Half Way Up, Half Way Down
“Half way up Half way down”
By Elicia Ward
Archival Acrylics on Linen
The thing is, I lie to people everyday. I give them the impression I trust them when I really don’t. I walk constantly in a hyper-vigilant state with the intention to catch them in the act of breaking my trust. I do all this with a smile on my face and charismatic ability to deflect anyone on the scent of catching me out while I do this.
Deep down the reality is, when I carry this frequency of mistrust I actually attract the situations I fear. I lie & mistrust so, I draw out the lie & mistrust in others, like a magnetic field I align to the lower frequency within them.
Today I have decided to take responsibility of this behaviour and address it with openness and humility.
My childhood taught me that people will hurt you if you let them, so in response I learnt to be on guard. This information is incorrect. I actually need to drop my guard and use discernment to decide if I am willing to allow this person in my life and if so, I must use discipline to trust them completely and drop the faulty thought process that keeps me stuck and entrapped in a cycle of unhappiness and fear.
I deserve to be happy and feel safe in the life I have built. If I keep mistrusting its only going to keep me feeling shit for the rest of my time here.
Speaking from half way down a hole but also half way up, I’m gonna get to the top someday and share my life with freedom, light and love, the way it was always supposed to be.