Attend The Funeral Of Your Old Dreams
It is clear that being psychic has not cured me of all ills the future can hold. It’s the bits in between I have missed when it has come to calculating the truth of my life. I was all too willing to give up my higher self's knowing in order to complete an old dream residing in the back of my mind. Drenched in the conditioning of society & my own traumatic childhood, I too wished for the perfect marriage, the perfect marital life & wonderful, balanced, compassionate, and cooperative parenting.
But today I mourn the death of that dream. I can never meet this dream. But I know I will find true joy, for at the death of this fake childhood promise I will & have found a more authentic love that runs deeper than anything I could have ever imagined.
But in this moment I desire to express to the world a validation through the written word. To honour the innocence that once resided within me being met with the smashing reality. A reality that engulfed me at big W, leaving me grief stricken & in tears, I now openly come to terms with the fact that I have been repressing a deep sadness and loss.
I’ve been holding my head high for as long as I can remember. Always looking to the bright side of life and being oh so positive in order to keep striving forth with dedication to my children, business, and self.
But, as we all know, being spiritual isn’t “pretty” work. It’s raw, merciless, and destructive. Yet it is also nurturing, expansive & freeing. If we take the hand of our authentic self, it’s like a war breaks out and we are forced to make a choice: we must fight it, surrender to it, or just repress the truth by increasing distractions and avoid it.
Delusion, dissociation, or devotion to something outside of ourselves are all means to avoid the truths that reside within. We work so hard so we never have to digest the pure pain that resides within.
Unlike others, I’ve chosen a life committed to courageously facing the truth that is hidden amongst excuses. It's become more of a habit than a choice now perhaps, confronting my fears had served me well if I reflect over my life. And I say this as I stuff my face with yet another chocolate bar! I too am addicted to quick, easy, and shallow fixes so that I can avoid the reality of the limitations of my own energy.
In the here and now, my love for my children mixed with the pain of my wounded childhood enables me some extra ammo to clear past patterns so that my children can really get their footing on some fucking good grounded parental support. Due to my failed awakening to my own wounded patterning, we have signed up for a touch of adversity, but like anything else, too perfect becomes imperfect anyway. So I hold no guilt for this, but I shall use this grit to make pearls and encourage their beautiful characters from strength to strength with my full love, support, and guidance.
I write this so that you the reader, can feel the depth of loss that I am experiencing in the hopes that it inspires you to meet it in yourselves.
No matter the storyline, the underlying formula is simple, I was promised a life of safety, a lifetime of love & support, deep bonding & commitment….
Life did not meet me here.
On the path to empowerment we meet our shadows. We meet the frequency we are, NOT the frequency of our desire. The congruence or incongruence is the fate we align to with manifestation.
We are the cause of hitting target or missing & fumbling off the cliff.
This frequency begins before birth, before we learn to speak, before this lifetime…. The programs create a reflective map of our lives, an agreement from all parties to have opportunities to expand our lives & the depth of our hearts.
There are many philosophical adventures I have explored in order to undo the work of my so called “failed” parents. They are failed damaged people who I love dearly but will not communicate with for they are so far asleep, their wounds bleed out & creep from them without their awareness or control so much so that they are too toxic for someone like me to be around.
Decades of study did not prepare me for the loss of the ultimate dream indoctrinated not only by my family, but also society. Each movie watched, each class attended, and at every family occasion it’s always spoken that we fall in love, settle down have kids & live happily ever after…
I literally had to have all my power & life stolen from me right in front of my eyes in order for me to realise, that it… that my… that I was worth something…
Society shames us for branching out away from family.
No matter how toxic, abusive or manipulative.
We spend countless hours, years, decades in search of understanding, Why? Just so we can release ourselves from the chains of the Devil card. Illusions that as a collective ARE supported, but detrimental to the self.
I choose another way.
I choose to unshackle myself.
Instead I say “you can have your narrative back. You can have your false dreams of stability”. I am here to live as an authentic powerful woman & I will not shame myself anymore.
I will not submit to YOUR beliefs of how I “Should” live. I choose to mourn the death of a false dream embedded in me whilst I innocently slept.
Yes, the bitterness in my tone on this topic will soon transform to the sweetness of freedom as it always has done.
I choose not to follow.
I am Empress
I am Wolf
I know how to navigate darkness, I no longer fear grieving the loss of that life. It was dead to begin with as all fucking lies are. I celebrate the ones who live in harmony with the collective narrative of “how one must live a happy life”, but for the rest of us, join me as I explore reality at its core & dive into real power, real truth, real love, and real wisdom. The free as fuck kind, that makes you dance on the street.
Now I can go back & heal the child within me, support her to live her best life that is filled with actual choices as opposed to who she “should” be.
So though today I mourn. Tomorrow I rise.
This is the path of a true leader. This is the path of a true woman.
And this is the beginning of the rest of MY life.